ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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