I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
Randomize
