Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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