please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
