I can feel you judging me through the phone.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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