dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Randomize
