Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Randomize
