Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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