Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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