So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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