Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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