so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize
