if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
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