Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Randomize