I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
This guy either needs to stop touching me or buy me another drink.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
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