All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
