speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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