Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
