so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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