The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
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