Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
