I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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