Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Randomize