Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Less talking, more tequila
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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