You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
