VAGINAS EVERYWHERE
they're staring at me
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Randomize
