hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Randomize
