You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
