You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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