If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
