You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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