I can't breathe out the right side of my face
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
