Will you blow on my dice?
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
