I just pynch a tree in the face
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
