just tell him i said nine months
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Randomize
