If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
