he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
