During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
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