I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
