Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
