first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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