May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
