is your mom at the bar?
she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
