The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
