If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize