she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
