Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
You can't motorboat a personality
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
