When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Randomize
