i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
should my penis look like a turkey
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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