I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
