Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I'm going to be fiscally responsible and buy a handle.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
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