8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
