I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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