he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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