I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
