How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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