I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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