Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Randomize
