At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
