You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize
