If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
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