Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
