He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize
